The bitter taste of karma.

Six or seven months ago I was at this great bar with a friend. I've mentioned this friend before, Shorthorn as we're calling him, was the friend who missed out the day I enjoyed the company of Joan of Arkansas and her "sister" Cherry. Shorthorn and I were living together at the time and had made our way to one of our favorite spots, a bar that features live music from a house band, interspersed with karaoke & girls dancing on the bar and table tops. Not to mention one liter beers that make you feel like Thor when you drink from them. The night was meant to be low-key and short. I had slept very little the prior three nights and was running on energy shots. Shorthorn had been buying drinks all night for a lovely pair of young ladies who had complimented our drunken rendition of Cee-Lo Green's "Fuck You", and the two had been sticking with us for most of night. Shorthorn was remaining neutral, feeling out which girl was into him before focusing his efforts on just one. We'll call the girls Thelma and Louise (because I am not feeling very creative right now). Thelma made Shorthorn's choice an easy one. While I was wrapping up a joke that wasn't all that funny, she laughed, put her arms around me buried her head in my shoulder, rubbed my back and pressed against me and said "You're so funny, I like you." To top it off, she proceeded to tell Shorthorn that Louise was not the "dating type", but was a total freak and that Louise thought Shorthorn was cute. The decision had been made.

As the night went on, things took a turn. Thelma and I had remained cozy in a booth, while Shorthorn & Louise roamed the bar, did a duet, and talked with other groups of people. Before long, last call had approached and I stepped outside to take a phone call from Cherry, who I have continued to see since our first encounter whenever we are in the same area. When I came back in, Louise had gone missing and Shorthorn was flirting rather hardcore with Thelma. It turns out that Louise had bumped into her ex, who I suppose she found to be a more reliable lay that night than Shorthorn, and Shorthorn was attempting to take Thelma home instead, so that his money spent on these girls would not be a waste (because yes, that IS how Shorthorn thinks and operates.) I chose not to be mad at this snaky move to scoop in and leave me empty handed, because I was ready to go home and sleep a little bit before work, and I knew Cherry would be around the next afternoon. Thelma however returned to my side when I sat back down. Shorthorn not yet ready to concede defeat invited her back to our place to continue drinking, to which she quickly agreed. I was beginning to realize I wasn't going to get much sleep this night. 

I headed out to the parking lot, fully prepared to let Shorthorn take the reins with Thelma, so that I may get some sleep. I offered to take his car and let him ride with her, but she objected, saying we were all going to the same place, and she wanted me to finish telling her a story I had started in the bar. Shorthorn tried handing me his keys multiple times, but reluctantly drove himself home. I thought we would follow right behind him, but we didn't. We pulled up to a house that she said belonged to Louise and rolled into the garage. She made a few phone calls to her, all in vain, and turned the car off. Her next move wasn't tactful at all, but I am a guy so I don't suppose it needed to be. Thelma took off her seatbelt and said "I'm giving you a blowjob." I didn't argue. Allow me to get sidetracked for just one minute and say this: To any guy reading this, Why is it that when a girl does something that you know she learned from porn, it's instantly very hot that she did it, or hilariously funny? Like "Wow, she actually did it." And a ladies, what makes it funnier is when you act like you do some of these things for your own enjoyment. Maybe it’s because I am a guy, but I don’t see how you can think it’s hot when we shoot a load all over your face, for example. Sure, I like when you let me do it, but it’s just that, you’re letting me do it. That’s not what this girl did though, she did something else I found to be unexplainably funny. She sat up, with every drop of my sticky warm baby gravy still in her mouth and swirled it around, scooped it up in her tongue like a bowl, showed it to me, spit some out onto her lips and chin, and finally licked it all back up and swallowed. I’ve seen it in porn, but this was the first real life application I’d seen of this particular practice. The best part of the story is still to come though, no pun intended. 

So we get back to the apartment and Shorthorn has music playing, a case of beer in the fridge, and is sitting on the couch having a drink when we walk in. I quietly debate with myself if I could go pass out in my car and be able to sleep before the fast approaching morning comes. I know it’s not an option though. My course of action will now be to have a drink or two and pull Shorthorn aside and tell him what took us so long so that he’ll quit trying to get into her pants and let her leave. Before I open drink number one, I get a text from Cherry asking what I am doing. I reply back that I am going to sleep because I have work early. Two drinks later I’ve still yet to get Shorthorn away from Thelma. The two of them however have taken multiple cigarette breaks on the balcony. Since I don’t smoke, I used the time to clean up bits of the mess we are making and to text Cherry, who has been texting me, despite my claim of being in bed and needing sleep. Out of the window I see Shorthorn edging closer and closer to Thelma, still trying to stake his claim as though I was even attempting to compete. I step outside and Thelma puts her arms around me and goes for a kiss, but I back away. Mostly because of the cigarette breathe, and my disdain of putting my tongue anywhere that taste like ashes, but I would be lying if I said I didn’t resurface the image of her swirling around that sticky mouth full less than an hour ago. She looked offended, but I turned my head and faked a hard cough and walked back inside mumbling something about how the cigarette smoke must be choking me. I come inside to find I have a missed call and a voicemail from Cherry. The voicemail informs me that Cherry is on her way over “to cuddle”.

It was an unexpected call, because Cherry as you may know isn’t from the same city as me, and wasn’t supposed to be in town until the next night. I walk outside to call her back and ask her to wait until tomorrow. Luckily for me, she couldn’t come over anyway, for whatever reason to do with her step-mom’s car or some excuse of the sort. I took a breath of relief and talked for a little bit before walking back inside. As I walk in I see Thelma and Shorthorn in the midst of a very sloppy wet make out session. My mind goes right back to the image of her swirling her tongue in that very same manor earlier. I laugh, I thought I laughed to myself, but I had indeed laughed out loud and it got their attention. They both look up at me and Thelma springs to her feet and says “I should get home, it’s late”. Shorthorn offers to walk her out and she declines. On her way out she yells “Call me”! We close up and I tell Shorthorn that I am going to bed. Shorthorn gets a smug look on his face. I could tell he felt as though he won some sort of contest, like he now had something over me. Shorthorn is a very ego driven person. The conversation went like this:

Shorthorn:  Sorry bro, but she was playing us both, and you weren’t making a move.

Me:  Dude I’m tired and I only have 3 hours to sleep.

Shorthorn:  Are you mad?

Me: I’m tired.

Shorthorn: She tasted like cigarettes and sweat dude, you didn’t miss anything.

Me: Sweat?

Shorthorn: Yeah, like kind of salty but bitter. You shouldn’t be mad.

Me: (Thinking to myself: My cum tastes salty & bitter?) (I laugh out loud) I’m not mad dude, I’m going to sleep.

Twisted Sisters

When you have a blog dedicated to sex stories, it’d be golden to have a good threesome story to share. Unfortunately this is sexual confessions from the guy next door, not the guy up city in the penthouse. I am not saying that I won’t one day have my threesome story to share with you, or that us every day guys can’t swing a 3-way. What I am saying is that I don’t have one yet, so what you get today is the story of the closest thing I’ve had to one. Let me take you back on a short journey to about four months ago. I had been casually seeing a girl we’ll call Joan of Arkansas (Joan for short from here out) and I’ll call you awesome if you get that reference. Joan travels often, both for work and because her step dad is loaded and the family is almost always on vacation. Our relationship at best could be described as a series of hit & runs. A quick dinner here, a coffee date there, a quickie in the car before her flight. She had only slept over twice and both times she was gone when I woke up the next morning which made me feel used, in a good way. This particular time she had a few hours to kill before catching a flight, but she didn’t just bring her baggage she brought a passenger who we’ll call Cherry. Joan introduced Cherry to me as her little sister, telling me that they were catching a flight to yet another beach destination with the family. Obviously vacations were much needed after a long 3 day work week of dreadful 4 hour long days. I invited my roommate who we’ll call Shorthorn to come with me to meet the girls and catch a movie. Of course my motives were quite clear, I needed someone to pull the little sister away while Joan and I snuck off for some alone time. Shorthorn however had other plans, and I was taking this trip solo.

In my head Cherry was going to be 13 or 14 and an absolute buzz kill. The date would be the equivalent of trying to get laid while you’re date is babysitting. In reality however Cherry was nineteen, and aside from being physically attached to her cell phone at all times she was quite outgoing and funny. When I showed up to the theater by the airport to meet them they had already bought us all tickets to the movie. Well, their dad’s credit card had bought us tickets at least. I typically don’t like to allow a date to pay for anything for me, but it hardly felt like a date and I got the sense that money was something they had never worried about. Ever. I honestly couldn’t tell you what movie we watched that day. I recall not wanting to see it very badly and being distracted by Cherry’s insistent texting and Joan’s constant rubbing of my dick and nibbling at my ear like a drunk girl on prom night. I made the attempt to take a “bathroom break” with Joan and leave Cherry to hold our seats while she ignored the movie and texted people. Joan however felt that we should watch the movie and “find time for that afterwards”. So in the theater we sat, none of us watching the movie. Towards the end of the film Joan rested her head on my neck and began kissing around my collar bone in a way that I could only assume was an attempt to leave a hickey. I ran my hand across her knee and only a bit up her thigh and looked over at Cherry who was looking me square in the eye. The eye contact was strange because instead of an awkward look away she maintained the connection in a flirty approving way. I held the gaze, intrigued and slightly turned on.

As we left the theater we all went and sat in my car under the pretense of going to get ice cream. Instead we sat in the car talking. Joan and I laughed, joked, and flirted while dropping subtle hints that Cherry should go into the ice cream shop alone and take her time. The subtleness was either lost on her, or she had no intention of leaving. After a few awkward silences Cherry finally looked up from her cell phone and blurted out “She’s on the rag, I’m not cock blocking you.” Joan turned around with a look at Cherry that seemed like it could have physically caused damage.

Cherry: What? It’s the truth. So are you going to blow him or are we going to the airport.

Joan: Sorry, she can be quite blunt.

Cherry: I’m not going to walk around alone like an idiot by myself in a place I don’t know. You two do what you gotta do, don’t mind me.

Me: She’s blunt alright. Its ok, we can wait until you’re back in town.

Joan: I don’t mind doing it with her in the car if you don’t.

I took a second, staring blankly while in thought. Joan’s biological father is a preacher and despite our past encounters she had always seemed pretty reserved. I sensed that I had hesitated too long so I stumbled through an ultra smooth reply “Ummm, sure.” Yep, Smooth. You could call me Keith Stone with lines like that. Still, it was a good enough answer because Joan said nothing else before getting to the task at hand. I settled back in the seat while Joan began to work her magic. I glanced into the rearview mirror at Cherry who was once again making direct eye contact with me. This time I looked away, back down to Joan, or the back of her head at least. This went on for a few minutes with me glancing into the mirror at Cherry occasionally. Then during one glance Cherry smiled at me and raised her shirt up. I adjusted the mirror down a bit to get a peek. Joan raised her head up and looked back at Cherry.

Joan: You’re such a slut.

Cherry: Said the girl with cock breathe.

Joan: And you’re a bitch, and you’re not helping.

Cherry: Looks like you could use some help.

Me: *laughing the entire conversation*

Joan: Well unless you’re crawling up here, be quiet.

Cherry: My lips are sealed.

Joan went back to business. Cherry however sat up in the seat behind me and started rubbing my shoulders and neck. A massage and a blowjob, what a novel concept. Her rub down moved up my neck and resulted in running her fingers through my hair and playing with my ears. Then her lips were on my ear and as she took a teasing nibble at it she whispered “How does this feel?” as she kissed wet and soft behind my ear and down my neck before biting into my neck right where it meets my shoulder. She sat back, arching her back and unbuttoning her jeans. She pulled them down a little bit and turned her back to me. I was perplexed by what she intended to do. I kept looked back down at Joan who had not stopped or slowed down in the slightest. It was as though she was somewhere completely different than Cherry and I. Cherry sat down with her back against the center console facing away from me and laid her head back on Joan’s arched back. Cherry took my hand and put it on her tits and squeezed. She exhaled and pushed my hand down her body and in-between her legs. I played along, but I couldn’t quite shake off the weirdness of knowing that the girl with my dick in her mouth was the sister of the girl grinding against my finger. Still, I wasn’t about to stop it from happening. If it wasn’t weird to them why should it be weird to me?

Between the over-thinking of the situation and the focus I was dedicating to getting Cherry off, I believe Joan was at work far longer than she anticipated. I remember thinking that when Cherry cums it would turn me on enough to push me over the top and help Joan finish the job. But when Cherry popped, Joan stopped. Cherry sat up and turned over; now with her face down like Joan she whispered something into Joan’s ear. Joan lifted up her head and looked at me in the most devilish look I had seen from a girl who until this point seemed so innocent. She took my hand and started sucking my fingers. The same fingers that were just quite wet thanks to her sister. It was another strange mix of being extremely turned on and deeply disturbed. Then Cherry took a hold of my cock and stroked it a bit before very briefly taking over for Joan. It didn’t take long however before Joan took back over and Cherry retired to the back seat to button up her jeans and fix her hair.  Joan finished her dirty deed and cleaned up after herself quite well. The two of us got our clothes adjusted back to normal and there was a short awkward silence broken by Cherry.

Cherry: Well that was interesting.

Joan: You’re a whore.

Cherry: I was bored, why should you two have all the fun.

Me: That wasn’t the first time you two have done that… was it?

Joan: Together like that? Yes. We have never shared a guy in any way.

Me: You two were a bit comfortable for sisters.

Cherry: It’s not like we’re blood related. Our parents got married two years ago.

Me: Well that is a lot less disturbing.

Joan: Did you think we were really sisters?

Cherry: Dude, ewww.

Joan: Wow, you really are a freak aren’t you?

Me: I’m a freak? I wasn’t the one tasting my own sister’s love juice.

In retrospect the experience was a lot hotter knowing that there was no blood between the two who were so willingly sharing fluids. Try as I might, I have yet to pull off a threesome. What I have managed to do is keep myself as a possible rest stop on all of Cherry and Joan’s many vacations and road trips. The moral of the story is: If your roommate asks you to come on a double date, you do it no questions asked. Luckily for me Shorthorn missed out on that opportunity and I benefited from his absence.

Please allow me to introduce myself

We all have secrets. The dirtiest of them are of course about sex. What you did, How you did it, who you did it with. Sex is the most lied about thing on this planet simply because most people don’t like to publicly discuss their real sex life. This is not to say that we don’t brag and embellish occasionally. Many guys will be quick to recount last night’s 10 minute grindfest as a 2 hour fuck-a-thon that brought the house down. Girls are guilty of this too, but not as obnoxiously. Some stories never get told because there is somebody out there who word can’t get back around to. Maybe you hook up with the friend of a sibling or the sibling of a friend. Perhaps you got nasty with the newlywed down the street or with your best friend’s ex. Hell, maybe you just don’t want people to know you hooked up with someone for fear of ridicule or it potentially biting you in the ass later on. My point is this: Like many of you, I have had sexual relationships that I have kept secret, and while maybe a few stories have slipped to a trusted individual or two, a bunch of them reside solely in this twisted head of mine. It’s time to let these stories be shared.

My name is one you will not learn, nor are the real names of the girls that star in these stories. You can call me “Mr.E”. Get it? Mister E = Mystery. Ah hem. The stories in this blog are all true and recalled to the best of my memory. The stories are not in any particular order however and only appear in the order in which I felt like sharing. I must warn you that this blog will be very graphic, and while its intent is to entertain you with stories of my sexual endeavors, some material may be considered literary pornography. If you are easily offended this blog is not for you. In fact, the internet isn’t for you, so fuck off. With that being said, welcome ladies and gentleman and enjoy.